About this time last year, I was up to my eyeballs in the "Next Great Sportswriter" Contest. What seemed like a simple concept turned into one giant ball of stress, as I struggled to find my cowbell.
A little while after I was sent packing faster than an ugly fat chick singing a Britney Spears tune on American Idol…I received a gift. A friend sent me an actual cowbell! Sometimes I just have to sit and stare at it to remind myself why I enjoy blogging.
And for those of you that aren’t following the concept of cowbell…sorry, I can’t help you.
Writing is supposed to be fun. And it is. Aside from sneaking into an aerobics class for super-models, it really is the least expensive form of entertainment you could ever ask for.
During the stress of last year’s contest, I managed to belt out a couple of posts that were exceptionally fun for me. One in particular got the ball rolling, and I had a blast with it. It was my induction into the fictitious “National Sarcasm Societyâ€.
The irony is I wrote that post as somewhat of a concession speech. The NGS finalists had not been announced, and with very little time left before the deadline…I figured if I hadn’t earned 1 of the 16 spots, that it was probably too late. After writing it, I debated on whether or not to post it…then ultimately decided - eh, what the hell?
This year, the summer looks a little different. My only stress comes from watching my Utah Jazz try to make their way to the NBA Finals. And I can’t even call that stressful, because I’ve enjoyed every minute of their playoff run.
But nevertheless, I wanted to get back to fun…which for me, usually means reverting to my smart-ass sarcastic nature.
So here is a long overdue assignment…call it paying my Sarcasm Society membership dues:
With everyone focused on Barry Bonds surpassing Hank Aaron’s Home Run record, I went down to Vegas to place my sleeper bet. They offered really good odds…as Cinderella Craig Counsell currently stands just 724 home runs shy of baseball immortality. Come on, Craiger…you can do it buddy! Shooter needs a new pair of shoes!
The NFL Pre-Season hasn’t even started, and the New England Patriots are already the consensus favorite to win a Super Bowl. Be still my constantly quivering heart!
Poor Ricky Williams. Why can’t they just give this guy a break? After all, he is a dedicated vegetarian. In fact, he’s so dedicated to his dietetic regimen…that he’s fallen in love with one particular plant. Is there such a thing as a Cannabistarian?
Spiderman 3 broke opening day box office records by raking in about $59 million in ticket sales. And let me tell you from experience, this movie has it all. Kirsten Dunst singing on stage, a Tobey Maguire makeover montage, and a green-sweater wearing villain that transforms into sand. Who says a K.D. Lang look-a-like can’t be cool?
When playing a normal pick-up basketball game, how many times do you see a defender knocked down because of contact from a post move? Good thing these NBA players train all year to become strong athletic machines.
Hockey players can hit opponents regularly with an over-sized stick, but basketball players that commit hard fouls are considered “dirtyâ€. Yep, that sounds about right.
Just for one game, don’t you think it would be something if they allowed NBA players to use hockey sticks?
With Bud Selig “looking into†all the steroid issues of the past, how does he have time to do his job…in the present?
Someone was charged for stalking actress Sandra Bullock. Sandra Bullock, are you kidding me? What’s next, is someone going to use a date-rape drug on Rosie O’Donnell?
To save his presidency, George W. is putting the focus back on education. To learn more about this stunning development, read his latest essay titled - “Dyslexia for Cure Foundâ€. (sorry, that’s a cheap obscure ripoff from a Naked Gun movie…but I had to add it somewhere)
CHASING AARON: Craig Counsell still 724 home runs shy of Hank Aaron’s record.
Another NFL Draft has passed, and the Lions have yet another wide receiver. Somewhere, Matt Millen must be trying to eat a 5-gallon tub of Jello pudding with chopsticks.
I think Brett Favre is my new hero. Only in America can you perform your job that poorly, and still hold your employer hostage. I believe not only that Brett Favre should be traded to a contender, but George W. should be the new Prime Minister of Canada.
If everything is bigger and better in Texas, somebody please explain the Houston Texans.
Why doesn’t Alaska have a professional sports franchise? I think the Nome Gnomes has a nice ring to it.
I have to admit, at first, I was a little angry about the ban on internet gambling. But after I pondered a while, I decided it was for the best. After all, we don’t want people wasting their hard-earned money online. Oooh, look…my bid on Ebay for a talking Prison Edition Paris Hilton doll went through! Gotta go…
